You know something? I'm not really that great at all.

There's a thread on a message board I'm a member of that really got me thinking: What are my bad points? Obviously I like to think of myself as the coolest person on the planet, but when it comes down to it, am I really that great? And would I be friends with myself if I didn't know me? So let's have a look. What makes Elli Rene a bad person?

#1. I am an incredible show-off. I love to be the centre of attention. If I think people are looking at me, even unfavourably, I'm happy. It's why I gravitated towards the punk/metal scene in my teens. I got a thrill when people would tut at me and move out of my way. I dye my hair every month or so because I love getting complimented on my new hair colour. I like to feel like I stand out. I've toned down the way I dress these days, but hair and skin (I have a few tattoos. I want plenty more) are blank canvases, waiting for something to be painted on them that will make people go "WOW!"

#2. I am incredibly annoying. If I find something that annoys someone, like a ticklish spot or a particular song, I will exploit it for the simple reason that it amuses me. I quite often take it too far and, after I've been suitably chastised, I feel no remorse because I found it funny. I often wonder why my friends put up with me because of this.

#3. I am materialistic. I like to have nice things. I -need- to have that TV, that laptop, that mobile phone, that incredibly useless piece of junk that will amuse me for five minutes then sit gathering dust on the mantlepiece. I spend so much time window-shopping and thinking that my life will be better if only I have this, that or the other. This is why I don't have a credit card. The temptation to spend will be too strong. I'm getting better about it, though. I haven't bought the latest mobile phone that's caught my attention. That's a big achievement, for me.

#4. I am vain. I don't have much to be vain about, but that doesn't stop me. When I look pretty, I feel good. When I don't, I feel bad. I'm incredibly depressed right now because my figure, that I worked so hard to achieve, was completely shot to pieces by pregnancy and the ensuing depression and I'm back to where I was three years ago. I see other mums who have managed to avoid becoming obese and get incredibly jealous. My body disgusts me but, thanks to said depression, I just don't have the motivation to do something about it. So outwardly, I play up my good points and refuse to dwell on the bad, but it's killing me inside. If I had the money for liposuction, I'd do it.

#5. I am impatient. I want it, and I want it NOW. I want this book to be finished so I can send it to a publisher. I want this house. I want to be skinny. But I don't want to have to work to get it. I know that I'll feel better in the long run and it'll give me a sense of achievement and self-worth and blah blah blah, but if it were possible to just wake up tomorrow morning and be a thin, successful author in a fancy house, I'd jump at the chance.

#6. I spend far too much time in my head, because the real world is too depressing. If I have a problem, I try to ignore it until it goes away or until it becomes so bad it has to be dealt with. My best friend in the world is a girl I met on a message board nearly seven years ago and she is probably the only person in the world I could live with and talk to every day without her driving me crazy. And that includes my other half and daughter, haha.

#7. I am lazy. If I can get someone else to do the housework/feed the baby/cook while I'm busy in my "Fic-Land", then I will. I'd rather stay indoors, because I don't want to put the effort involved into getting out of the house. I get bored easily, but it takes too much effort to get off my lazy, fat backside and go and do something interesting.

I'm trying to change the vast majority of this, but it's a long, hard slog. The character I write as "myself" in fanfiction represents the person I want to be. She's healthy, smart, quick-witted, driven, determined and stunningly gorgeous. She is what I could be if I just put a little bit of effort into myself. The process of changing from the caterpillar of my current self to the butterfly of "Fic-me" has already started, but it's going to take a long time to get me there. I guess now would be a good time to start learning a little of that patience...

I am the Dawn Troll!

The troll that attacks at the crack of dawn! All fear the Dawn Troll!

Well, okay, it's still dark, but if it wasn't raining (thank you, English summer) then the first glimmer of sunlight would be just creeping over the horizon about now.

As this is my first blog, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Elli Rene. I am a twenty-five year-old female residing in the lovely town of Bournemouth on the southern coast of England. My interests include, but are not limited to, pro-wrestling, football (the proper stuff, not the padded-up rugby rip-off known as 'football' in the States), fantasy novels, hard liquor and rock music. I appreciate the darker things in life. Death and the supernatural scare me and intrigue me in equal measure. My dearest ambition in life is to see a ghost, although if I did I would probably wet myself and hide gibbering in a corner until it went away.

I have a slightly obsessive nature, and once something captures my interest I embrace it and let it consume me until I'm staying up until the early hours of the morning, desperately hunting for clues and theorising about what will happen in the next Harry Potter book (I was right about Snape all along). Other things that have sparked my obsessive tendencies include: Terry Pratchett's Discworld, tattoos, Hex, WWE, Firefly, Doctor Who, webcomics, AFI, fanfiction and AFC Bournemouth. I would love to become a writer one day and have several ideas for novels, but none of them have progressed further than the prologue, first chapter or, in one case, main character. I have no shame.

Welcome to my world. In the event of an emergency there are no escape routes and you are all doomed. I hope you enjoy your stay.

Later, you slags <3

xoxo